Toddlers

I feel like toddlers don’t understand that we need personal space from time to time. Maybe it’s just my little stage five clinger but I’m sure someone out there feels where I’m coming from.

I love this little chicken nugget so much and she's such a sweet kid. Although her angelic face melts my heart she also has some quite radical views. She believes that I or any parental unit in her presence really, should be ON 24/7 365! Get it together ma! More energy, Keep dancing we love this song right! What does tired mean, makes no sense, LETS GO MA!!

I don't think I am asking for too much, it's not much time that I need, just maybe in the bathroom if possible. Like I don’t think she understands that I’m going to shit on her head if she doesn’t get out from under and in between my legs. Its pure love, How can I be mad but hot damn I have to go potty!

Like maybe I should just pee on her to start, then maybe she’ll cut me loose, let me pee…with the bathroom door open (as asked consistently -_- yet nicely by her) so she can see…me… I guess...

Then I'll go back to the tea party. But people pee in real life at tea parties babe. Fucking Disney won’t show you that the three fairies go take a piss after drinking all that tea plotting to take a little baby and hide it for 16 years because some witchy bitch said it would die making clothes on her bday....

Disney smh... Like sometimes she takes me by the hand and like leads me to her room and puts me in the corner, then goes and closes her door like stay here. To keep me there, little kidnapper. Then comes with the forcefulness.. Put on this pink tutu, fit in my dress!! Put on these earrings, ooh and this crown, take a quick swig of this fake nothing in a cup tea, slurrrp, mmmm, delicious, brrrrr, answer this phone real quick, hello, snatches phone from me, looks at it, then throws it down. Mama! shoves more tea at me, slurrrp, mmm delicious, do the dance, do the dance.

H E L P

Her: eeeeeeeet! Then tries to shove an apple in my mouth.

Me: oo I'm sorry baby, mommy’s allergic to apples, I can’t eeet.

Her: continues to rub the apple near my my mouth..eeeeTT!

*I smell it, the fear sets in and I already feel the hives will proceed later uggh. This little stewie is out to get me I know it..*

Me: maintains calm tone (ooo sweety mommy is sorry that she can’t eat that, but you can!! Why don’t you try?

Her: throws apple on the floor and spits...

She hasn’t eaten an apple since. Won't even try them. SMH.

The thing that kills me the most is her reaction to me not eating the apple. Not even a tear shed, just sheer decisiveness. Like fuck apples now because mommy doesn't eat them. Loyalty, I will say is on point, but she did almost kill me in the process. She’s like The Godfather, giving me tests and seeing if I pass them. Wait can I add that she is dressed like a full out fucking princess while doing this.

Like pink fluffy dress, heels, a crown, and jewels… who taught her this lording behavior… probably dad! His friend actually made him a fucking Lord by buying him a piece of land in Scotland as a gift for his bday. SMH. Thanks for that by the way, it’s passed on to his kid… LOL!

Good luck toddler parents, got a story, I'd love to hear!

Vinionated