Stress Bakes

May 4, 20234 min read

Do you ever wake up in the morning with the gut wrenching reminder of how bad things are going. The reminder that you cannot change nor enlighten the people or things causing stress in your life. That longing feeling that sits with you, just wishing everything was alright. Here comes "the lonely" (Christina Perri) setting in. The lonely in this instance being more so defined as the misunderstanding of who you are and why you feel the way you do. Not many can relate and you fear opening up to others will give you the same reaction. "Ooh I care"... in the moment. But some tortured souls like myself still struggle every day with those same things even after, they don't disappear even though the conversation ended. Every morning, every night, in moments of silence and moments of down time, in the bathroom, when a familiar song comes on the stereo or during some special celebratory times of the year. (*SARCASTICALLY* I just love mothers day and yep fathers day too.) When you do something really good in life and look to your left, then look to your right, and suddenly realize that you have no one to share it with. But then again, did you actually really ever have great support that you did not have to initially seek out, to begin with? Who's checking on you?

always knows when I'm feeling off, just comes up on the couch and snuggles on my feet.

How about you check on you this time. Let us all try something new and do what's good for you. Be selfish and get out of your head and fight to push through (Dr. Seuss much?) Take a moment or two but give everything you have to bring yourself up. These thoughts are going to come back, you haven't been able to successfully shake them and that's okay. I know I haven't. But I have been trying to do better in listening to myself, my body and my feelings to address my state of mind/heart. It is an intense feeling of powerlessness and an internal struggle. Try to remember, you are okay and will be okay. Your feelings matter, you matter. You are strong and look at how far you've come. Keep that shit rocking and do something for you, that makes you happy. It took me so long to start listening to music again and although I still have trouble, I have been running back to song as of late due to recent situations stopping me from doing so over the years. With everything going on in my life, the fact that the lyrical genius and all around amazing individual Ed Sheeran is dropping an album tomorrow on Cinco de mayo *my engagement anniversary* speaks volumes to me. I completely cherish what Sheeran has released so far, Boat is everything and I respect the rawness he is letting us experience through his gift.

I have struggled for decades with loneliness, depression and trauma and as legend has it, that shit never stops. I have been focused on overcoming this. Like no joke, my life should have been a movie. Life has been fucking me over literally and physically since I was a small little girl just trying to grow up, fit in and follow what my private school roman catholic education gave me. I was pretty devout in my studies, prayed all the time, morning, noon and night, for everyone, even more specifically people active in the war or experiencing struggle, were included in my thoughts. I served as an altar server, played the fife in the marching band and was heavily involved in the church. But none of that matters when your "virtue" gets attacked several times as you grow and try to learn sweet little one, and eventually you are devoured by a non-consensual encounter which fills you with a seed of life. Not exactly how I had it planned in my mind.

I think I'm strong, I guess I can say that. If you harm or hurt anyone I love or that hold special places in my heart, ( I love everybody.. I do lol), I automatically go into defensive mama lion attack mode. The filter becomes lifted and you will receive the tongue lashing from a five feet two and a half person with furious unfiltered rage.

"Like the hammer of Thor, the THUNDER OF MY VENGEANCE WILL ECHO THROUGH THESE CORRIDORS LIKE THE GUST OF A THOUSAND WINDS...

Thank you Dennis and Always Sunny in Philadelphia, AGREED 😂

But even though I will go HAM and CHEESE on a fool for messing with anyone I hold near and dear, I won't do the same for myself. Rarely do I stand up for myself in situations yet it baffles me the amount of confidence and strength that is instilled me to help in any way when someone else is hurting.

Anyhoo!

I love to bake and when things get icky, I commence my cooking and baking binge, and try to replicate what I'm watching. hehe!

I present the dark chocolate chip cookie coffee cake with fresh raspberry powder butter crumble. One in a bundt pan and one in a pie pan. TWO FOR ONE. Filled the belly with dark chocolate raspberry love.

Flavors from our wedding cake.<3